Reddit users and an etiquette expert both sided with a woman who said she did not want to risk an expensive item from getting stolen at a wedding potluck — and said her boyfriend was in the wrong for embarrassing her.
A user named "Unable-Guarantee-375" asked Reddit's "Am I the A--hole" (AITA) subreddit to discuss if she was in the wrong for not wanting to bring an expensive tray to a wedding reception.
"AITA for saying that I don't want an expensive tray stolen at a wedding?" asked the woman in a July 11 post to the subreddit.
In the post, Unable-Guarantee-375 shared that she and her boyfriend, who are both 30, were recently invited to a wedding.
"I've met the bride and groom a few times. He has known them for decades," she wrote.
"There is a local tradition for each guest to bring a dozen cookies to the wedding, then at the wedding everybody's cookies are displayed together to make a cookie table," she said. "We wanted to participate, so we baked cookies the night before."
In the Pittsburgh area, a "cookie table" is a longtime wedding tradition, says the website Wedding Cookie Table.
"The Wedding Cookie Table has strong ethnic and religious ties, linked mainly to European immigrants of Catholic descent — particularly present in industrial areas that housed Italians, Greeks, and other Europeans," they said.
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The exact date of the Cookie Table's origin is "debatable," said the website, but "it is believed that this sweet sensation has been around since the Great Depression."
While Unable-Guarantee-375 and her boyfriend wanted to participate in the custom, she said she did not want to use her "very beautiful and expensive tea tray" as the serving platter.
"Boyfriend suggested that I use it to display the cookies. I said no, it's a 300-person wedding, I don't want some auntie 'accidentally' taking it home with her," she said.
"Boyfriend seemed fine with this. We found a simple bowl that was perfectly appropriate for the occasion, and used that to display the cookies."
While all appeared well, Unable-Guarantee-375 said her boyfriend would not let the issue die.
"After the wedding, as we were preparing to leave and I went to retrieve my bowl, boyfriend told the newlyweds that I didn't want to use my tea tray because I thought one of their guests might steal it," she said.
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The woman wrote that she "tried to backtrack" and say that she simply did not want the tray to get misplaced or damaged — but her boyfriend "called me out on lying."
She added, "The newlyweds said something about everyone there being friends and family — it was very awkward and we left shortly."
She went on, "I am angry because I told him that in confidence and he should have known better than to repeat that to his friends, even though they were very close."
Florida-based etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore, founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, told Fox News Digital that Unable-Guarantee-375's boyfriend "threw [her] under the bus by telling the newlyweds that she did not want to bring the cookies on her expensive tea tray."
Said Whitmore, "In my opinion, his behavior was completely and utterly disrespectful to her and it caused much embarrassment and tension between the couple and the newlyweds."
Whitmore said that if she were ever in this position, she "would have a candid conversation with the boyfriend explaining how he made me feel."
She added, "I would also ask him why he felt the need to tell the newlyweds about the platter if it was a non-issue."
"Clearly, the boyfriend violated the girlfriend’s trust and it will be difficult for them to have a positive relationship moving forward," said Whitmore.
On the AITA subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate the poster is "NTA" ("Not the A--hole"), "YTA" ("You're the A--hole"), "NAH" ("No A--holes Here") or "ESH" ("Everyone Sucks Here").
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Users can "upvote" good replies and "downvote" those they do not find helpful.
Most of the 1,600-plus responses to the post were in support of Unable-Guarantee-375 and validated her fears about the item going missing during the wedding.
"NTA, but your man sure is! No more cookies for him until he learns to behave better in public," wrote Redditor "Imaginary_Building_4" in the top-upvoted reply.
Wrote another user, "NTA. Over the years, I have lost many things at potlucks. It happens," said "Realistic_Head4279."
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"You were correct in using something you could live without if it got lost in the shuffle. Your [boyfriend] was a bit crass in bringing up your concern, IMHO," the same user added.
Another user was far more curt.
"There is a reason they make those fancy disposable trays," said "Miserable_Emu5191."
